Days in the Life

Part Three

"You know, Laurie, you should have tried to get in touch with me when I was in Chicago the last time," he said when he returned with two drink glasses in his hands. "I think it was '95…Linda was promoting her book at a bookseller's convention in the city. We all could have gone to dinner or something. I could’ve met Pam."

I shook my head as I took the glass he offered me. "No…no…at that point in my life, I don't think I was quite ready for second contact with you," I explained. "I think it would have just been…uncomfortable. I don't know how you'd feel, but I think it would be a little odd to bring my husband to meet my former boyfriend."

"Now, luv, come off it. We were friends before we were more than friends," Paul laughed. "I wouldn't have minded it. Linda wouldn't have minded it, either."

We were silent for a moment, then he said, "You know, it's turning out to be a lovely evening. Would you care for a walk in the garden to catch some air?"

"I'd love it," I replied, standing up again. "It's done nothing but rain since I arrived in town…though things back at home aren’t much better. The other day it was forty-five degrees outside in Chicago. We had a goddamn wind chill of twenty-nine degrees, for God’s sake…"

"That's May for you," he said, leading me through the rest of the house.

"Paul, your house is very nice," I commented as we entered the back of the house. "Very retro."

"Nothing has really changed much since I bought the place. We fixed up the outside a little bit, but that's about all. We haven't bothered to replace much of the furnishings since we're not here often."

He led me through the den at the back of the house, where Pam and James were playing a rather competitive driving game on Playstation. The room looked a bit disastrous, kind of like my office with papers stacked on shelves along with every other odd book and item that didn't really fit in anywhere else in the house. The walls were busily adorned with all sorts of framed pictures, including some family photos, a few artworks by Magritte, and some more abstracts similar to the ones hanging in the front living room.

"Don't mind the mess," Paul said, leading me to the door at the back of the house. "It's always been that way, and it'll be that way forever at this rate."

"Don't worry--my office at school looks worse," I admitted. "I still have tons of term papers stacked up that none of the students came to pick up after I graded them."

"Where are you teaching?"

"Dominican University. It's Rosary; they just changed the name about three years ago," I explained.

"So you're not teaching the little ones anymore?"

I shook my head. "I did that for about eight years, even though I had my master's in Lit and I could have gone anywhere with it. And college isn't as hard as junior high or high school. Most of the students in my classes want to learn, so it's fun."

We walked out the back door into a peaceful, high-walled garden, newly damp from the steady rain. At the end of the yard was that small sun-house, the one with the roof that looked like a beehive made of glass panels, that the Beatles had once done a photo shoot at. I slowed my pace as we walked the perimeter of the yard, a distant memory coming back to me in all its vivid grandeur.

"What?" Paul asked, noticing that I was slowly falling behind in my pace.

"Nothing…I couldn't help but think of…something," I said softly, holding my hair away from my face as the wind blew it across my eyes. "It's like you never left…"

"Huh?"

"The last time I saw you was when we were at my house in Pine Lake," I explained. "We were outside following all that rain…and you…"

"Ah," he said, nodding his head. "You're right."

All I could see were my tears that had blended together with his own as I kissed him all that time ago and the sunlight creating little dazzles of light on the inner roof of the gazebo by the creek.

"It's terribly frightening how quickly and fiercely some moments in your life can come back to you when something jars it out of oblivion," I whispered, biting my lip. "God…did things change after I got home that day!"

"Indeed they did," he agreed. "For both of us…"

"You know, it's a remarkable thing…but I can truly say now, in hindsight, that that was the day that my life changed," I explained, my eyes misting over. "And I don't mean just because of what happened between the two of us…so much changed from there on."

He opened the door to the sunhouse, where a circle of wooden benches lined the inside walls. "Come on--sit down," he said. "I didn't mean to get you all weepy."

"Well…believe it or not, it all started with that note on the kitchen table that Claire left me," I said after I sat down next to him. "I don't suppose you'd remember it?"

"I remember that she was at a play or a concert or something."

"Okay…well, anyway…we had dinner with that family that were mentioned on the note the next night," I said. "They'd moved into a house across the street from us--pretty big family: six kids, besides the two parents, and a great-aunt living with them to boot. Their oldest son, Derek, was my age and was going to Northwestern for a business degree. Claire had such a crush on him when we came home that night--he just about single-handedly knocked Mister Lennon out of the picture!"

Paul laughed. "Your sister was quite a gal!"

"Well, I went back to school a few days later and worked my butt off for the next eight months finishing everything up," I continued. "I had the days until graduation numbered on my wall calendar. The only thing missing was the nerve to tell my parents about my plans…that I was going to come to London to see you once school was over."

He nodded. "And then…May first came…and went…"

"Yes…even now, thirty years later, I still feel guilty that I never sent word to you or phoned or anything after that last day we saw each other."

"No, no, luv--I've gotten over it."

"I never said anything because…well, right around Easter time, my dad had a heart attack at work. He'd been awfully tired for months, since Mr. Vanderbilt had him doing all sorts of extra work, and, you know, you just can't do all that work at age forty that you could once do at age twenty."

"Don't remind me."

"While my dad was in the hospital, they ran some tests and also found out that he had cancer."

"Oh, no," Paul said, his face going pale. "That's never good news."

"Nope…he ended up quitting his job and staying at home all the time. I was so upset over the shape he was in that I barely managed to concentrate on all my final school papers and tests. I wanted nothing more than to graduate and get home…we knew by the middle of April that he didn't have much time left…it was already in the end stages, and he went downhill fast…"

Lord, this was not a way to keep our cheery little visit going! Paul looked like he was ready to burst into tears for my sake, which just made me more weepy on the inside as well. Cancer stories were not good things for him to hear…but I felt I needed to explain things to him…

"When did he…"

"Middle of June," I said. "I told you he went downhill fast…I thought I was going to lose my mind at that point. I thought I'd lost you forever, since I hadn't heard from you in all that time, and now I'd lost my father. I didn't know what we were going to do; my mother hadn't worked in years, and there was certainly no way we could stay in that huge house in Pine Lake for much longer, even though it was all paid for."

"Oh, Laurie; I'm sorry…I wish I would've known," he said, taking hold of my hand.

"Mom sold the house, and she and Claire moved to a smaller house about a block away from the high school. As for me, I decided to enroll in graduate school in the city. I registered for a batch of education courses, as well as English literature…and then that's where Derek, our neighbor, came back into play. We hadn't seen very much of each other over the past year--figure, I was at Rosary and he went to DePaul all summer after he'd graduated--and then he turns up in one of the Shakespeare classes I was enrolled in. He was taking it as a liberal arts elective for his master's coursework."

Paul nodded, listening intently to all that I was saying. "Ah…Derek Carlisle, right?"

"Yeah," I said, smiling as I crossed my arms, breaking from his hold. "He was my saving grace, really, after all that I'd been through that summer. We were great friends first, and then we started going out together around Valentine's Day the next year; he asked me to a costume party that his fraternity was having. It was so cute--he showed up at our front door wearing one of the Shakespeare costumes our professor had shown us during one of our classes, since he knew I was dressing up as Juliet. I was really big on the movie version that had just come out…We got married in December that year."

Paul smiled. "I'm glad things have worked out so well for you, luv."

"We both finished up our master's work while I was pregnant with my oldest son the next summer. Funny…I never got to put all that schoolwork to good use for a while. I had the good fortune of being able to stay at home and raise my kids for about fifteen years. Of course, most mothers I knew at the time were able to do that…things are different nowdays."

"Very true."

"We were happy…we were real happy. I got a job teaching at Ros--er, Dominican once my youngest one started full-day kindergarten at St. Gertrude's. I needed a break from the little ones at St. Gert's--I taught first grade there when the English lit job opened up at the college. I also wanted Michelle and Pammy to have a little independence of his own; they were used to their mother always being around at school…and sometimes I needed a break from them."

Paul laughed.

"But for the most part I was happy…we were really lucky to make it through all we did," I said wistfully. I paused for a moment, then said, "You know, my heart went out to you when I heard that Linda had died."

He managed a tight-lipped smile. "It was rough…worse than anything you could possibly imagine. I can't even begin to describe it all…"

"Well, Paul…you don't have to…I knew then what you were going through…" My chin started quivering--oh, no; here come the water works! "I'd already been through it."

He stared at me confusedly. "What?…oh, god…no, not Derek…"

I covered my eyes with my cupped hand, refusing to let him get upset over my emotional state. "Mmm-hmm…only it wasn't cancer. I'd already been through that with my father…Derek got killed in a car accident on the way to work one morning in '95."

"Oh my god…I'm so sorry…what happened?"

"It was sleeting that morning, and one of the yahoos in the opposite lanes skidded around a bend and went headfirst into Derek's car…the paramedics said he was gone before they even got to the site. He broke his neck and was probably gone before he himself even knew what was happening…thank god for small favors," I sobbed.

"Shhh…luv, don't bring it all back just for my benefit of hearing all about it," he said, wrapping his arm around me. It's surprising--I hadn't seen the man for years, but I felt more comfortable blabbing out all my inner thoughts to him than I did to my shrink.

"I never even had a chance to say goodbye to him," I continued on. "At least you had…I would give anything just to see him for five minutes more…"

Paul nodded, still holding me. "I know…I've been there…Do you remember me telling you about my mum? How I never got to say goodbye to her?…or John, for that matter…"

When I finally re-focused my tear-reddened eyes, I had to squint in the late-day sun pouring through the windows above us. I just rested my head against his shoulder and stared down at the floor, a bit drained from my unexpected emotional outpouring. He didn't have to do this; he didn't have to sit here and comfort me like this when he surely had more important things to tend to.

With one finger, he lifted my chin so I was looking up at him…and then he put his lips to mine. For that split second, we were Paul and Laurie again, just like that shimmering day so long ago when we were so sure of how we felt and we were both certain we would end up together again in the future. It was almost as if we'd been transported back in time--I could practically smell the freshly-mown grass that had been soaked in the rainstorm and hear Pine Creek rushing over the smooth stones and sand a matter of feet away from us. And now, at last, I didn't feel guilty about spurning him the way I had after graduation. Our lives had really turned out for the better.

We embraced after our kiss, and he patted my back gently. "Paul?" I murmured.

"Hmm?"

"I hate to ruin this…but do you think we should tell the kids that we used to know each other? I mean, this is a bit odd, and I think they did pick up on what was going on when we saw each other in the living room earlier," I explained, drawing away from him a little bit.

"I agree," he said after a moment of thought.

"I just don't want to mess things up for them. They seem so happy together and so much in love that I don't want to throw a wrench into their relationship by telling them such a thing."

"Well, I don't think it's going to harm it if we simply tell them that we've met each other before."

"Probably not…but I did want to tell Pam about the time when you and the others stayed at my house that first time," I said. "Something like that would just light up her life if she heard it. She always used to ask me about the Comiskey Park show that I went to with Anna and Cheryl and Claire and my roommate Beth."

"Hey, whatever happened to all of them?" Paul said. "Not to interrupt your story, but--"

"Oh! Well, Claire got married a year after she graduated high school and moved to Milwaukee with her husband Jack," I began. "They own a bakery in the downtown area, and their two daughters help them run it. I still see her almost every other week. She drives down to Pine Lake to see Mom and then stops in River Forest to see me when she can."

"And your two friends?"

"Well, Cheryl moved to Missouri after college, and she works for a telecommunications company down there in St. Louis. And Anna still lives in Pine Creek. She got to be a stay-home mother and still doesn't have to work, even though her son Frank is thirty-one and has been out of the house for over ten years now. Her husband Mike is vice-president of some big-shot Internet corporation downtown and pulls in a seven-figure salary each year."

"Your mum still lives in Pine Lake?"

I nodded. "She moved into one of those retirement communities as soon as she hit sixty-five and retired from her job at Ryerson and Wallingford--it's a catering company. That woman is still as active as she ever was! She and her friends go on those senior day trips about once a week, and they have a lot of fun…She and I have gotten so much closer over the years. Hey, we both lost our husbands way too early in life, and we've cried on each other's shoulders more times than I can possibly count."

Paul nodded. "So…what are we going to do about the kids? This is just too funny for words that the two of them are in love with each other."

"Well…I really would like to tell Pam about your visit to Chicago, like I said. I've wanted to tell her for such a long time, and I'm getting to the point in my life where I feel like I should start sharing stories like that. I didn't mention that my younger son is going to have a baby with his wife in July, did I?"

"No, you didn't. Congratulations!" Paul said, brightening up. "You heard that my Mary had a baby last year, right?"

"Mmm-hmm. Pam emailed me the news when she found out," I laughed. "She always finds out all the latest goings-on on the Internet…So now Beatle Paul has turned into Grandfather McCartney, eh?"

"But I'm clean!" he protested, giggling.

"Hmph," I sniffed. "Yeah, right…about as clean as a pile of used sweatsocks… But I hate to say it: I’m developing that grandmotherly story-telling instinct already."

"Oh, me too, believe me."

"So I'm going to tell Pam when we fly home," I said. "And are you going to tell James anything?"

"I can mention to him that I did meet you before," he said after a moment. "I won't go into a ton of details, though."

"That's probably the best way to do it…though I don't think I quite want to tell Pammy that I went on tour with you guys. That still has too much of a sordid groupie type of vibe to it, if you ask me."

Paul laughed. "'You guys'…like we're still together."

"Paul, the Beatles are always going to be together and as great as they always were. I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you."

"No, I know that! I just think it's funny that so many people have that idea that the Beatles are still a functioning group."

"In our minds, they are. They're always going to be. I hate to say it, but I'm always going to think of you as that round-faced British guy singing 'All My Loving' on the Ed Sullivan Show," I said, tearing up again. "The Beatles changed my life…If I could talk to John and Ringo and George, I'd tell them the same thing…And they've brought me and Pam together so close because we're both fans. We went to Best Buy at midnight three times when the Anthology CDs were released so we could get our copies the very moment they hit the shelves."

Paul laughed. "Yeah; the Anthology really was something special, wasn't it?"

"God, yes! That first time I heard 'Free as a Bird' was just amazing. Pam was thrilled because she'd never had that experience of waiting and waiting for a new never-before-heard Beatles song to be released like in the old days when I used to count the days for a new Beatle album to come out. And just watching the rest of the TV special was like seeing the four of you together again in real life…you know, just sitting and chatting in my living room like in the old days…I miss those days. Life was so much simpler when I was twenty-one."

"Heavens, yes," he agreed wholeheartedly. "Twenty-one…my god, I hadn’t even been to America yet."

"Nope…and at that time, I had no idea who the Beatles were or anything like that," I said. "But…things change, don’t they? And they changed for the better when I met you." I kissed the tip of his nose gently.

"And sometimes," he said, looking down at me with those beautiful eyes, "things stay the same…"

"Yeah…it’s like Paul and Laurie all over again inside that house right now," I said, motioning outside the windows.

"Cor, I hope not!" he laughed. "You know what happened the last time someone actually let us alone in an empty house…"

"Wha—oh!" I said after a moment’s thought. "You! You are just as terrible as you ever were!"

He made a face at me, and I crossed my eyes and stuck out my tongue. "You wanna be immature, I can do it too," I giggled, giving him a shove in the arm.

"All right, then—let’s be immature!" he shouted gleefully, trying his best to push me off of the bench. I dug my heels into the wooden floor and held my ground, pushing back against him with my shoulder. Then he quickly reached over and tickled my side, so, naturally, I went off my guard and slid straight to the floor.

"I win!" he shouted, clapping his hands together as I burst into laughter. I got to my feet and slugged him in the arm playfully.

"Jerk…no fair trying to tickle me," I pretended to pout. "You’re mean!"

He widened his eyes and put on that totally innocent face he used to pull on me. "Moi? Mean? Never!"

My eyes narrowed to tiny green slits. "And don’t pull that flirting crap on me, either," I said. "’Cause it won’t work, you know."

"Oh, fine, fine, then," he said, crossing his arms. "I’ll just do…this!"

And, damn him, he reached over and did yet another Pearl-Harbor bra strap snap on my back! "Hey!" I shouted. "You know that’s not fair, either!"

"You said I was mean…I’m getting back at you," he said, ready to dodge the shoulder slug that was coming his way.

"You’re gonna have to catch me to get back at me again," I said, reaching for the doorknob and running through the damp grass. Even though the sun was out, the rain was still falling in tiny speckles, bouncing off my vinyl jacket. He was close behind me and caught up with me in the corner of the yard behind a tree…where you couldn’t see us from the windows in the house…

I had my back to the fence, staring straight at him in front of me as I caught my breath. His face drew nearer to mine, and I knew he was going to kiss me one more time.

"Paul?"

"Hmm, luv?"

"Do you hate me for ditching you the way I did?"

"What?"

"Seriously…are you mad—"

"Laurie, luv, would I be talking to you like this if I were furious with you?" he said, brushing the side of my face with his fingertips. "I was never upset with you…I never could be…"

He kissed me softly again, and this time I hung on for much longer than I did last time. My arms were securely wrapped about his neck, and his hands were around my waist.

"Well…" I said after we both opened our eyes again. "We’re never going to be Paul and Laurie again…but we can be friends forever…"

"We always were," he said, still holding me. "I know we fell out of touch—it was as much my fault as it was yours—but I never forgot you…beautiful, beautiful Laurie…that American girl I loved to death and almost married."

"Well, you married a very nice American girl in the end, didn’t you?" I smiled.

His face lit up with memories of Linda when I mentioned her. "Yeah, I did, didn’t I?" he said. "I don’t regret a minute of it. I think it all worked out rather nicely, didn’t it?"

"Yeah," I said, smiling. "It did…eight kids, thirty very happy years, and a lot of love later…I can really say that it did."

Continue to Part Four